Can I just be done already?

Getting pretty tired of chemo. Almost at the halfway point, so that’s good, but I have to say that I really am not so thrilled with it all. I hate that I’ve gained about 12 lbs since it began — part of that is the junk I sometimes eat when everything grosses me out so much, and part of that are the steroids I’m given. I can really see the difference in my face when I look at photos. I look like Humpty Dumpty now — big old round, white, bald head.
Here are some other fun effects of chemo — many I had not known about before all this:

Neuropathy in feet, and starting in my hands. This has been REALLY bad at times in my feet. It’s numbness and pain at the same time, which is a very weird thing. It also gives me “restless feet” sometimes when trying to sleep. Can drive you nuts. When the numbness started in my hands too, it scared me. So, I am now taking 2 meds for this (Neurontin and Cymbalta) and hope that they will work and decrease the likelihood of permanent nerve damage. I had to buy new, roomier shoes. The pain in my feet was worse than the worst RA pain days. But, it’s not always like that.

Nausea — this one anyone would expect, and at times it’s a real booger. I have 4 meds that are options, though, and on the days it’s most likely to be bad (Sun and Mon, and sometimes Sat), I take Zofran and Ativan first thing to head it off. Yesterday was BADDDDDDD. I was really sick most of the day. The couch and I are best friends lately.

Nosebleeds — was awakened by one this morning. Fun. Chemo really fries your nose inside and it can really HURT at times. I won’t go into detail about this one…it’s not gorgeous.

Mouth sores — I was having a lot of trouble with this for a while and have not had problems for a couple of weeks now, but it was bad for a bit. It’s like you’ve chewed broken glass and then you burned the heck out of your mouth with too-hot pizza or something. For a few days, my lunches were rice and vanilla pudding. Everything hurt too much. There’s some stuff called Magic Mouthwash waiting for me at Walgreens though if I decide I need it. It’s $50, so I will wait until I get to the 50-buck level of pain and then check it out. Haven’t been there yet.

Changes in sense of taste — this one stinks. Plain water or ice taste salty to me outside of the house. At first, at work, I thought there was something wrong with the ice machine! At home, I have been using a Brita filtered pitcher from the beginning, and that water tastes fine to me. I make my ice cubes from it too. And coffee. Friday at work, I ate some Peanut M & M’s and they did not even taste chocolatey. Booger! And when I had put a ton of lemon juice on my broccoli at lunch, I could not taste it. It’s pretty weird.

Ringing in the ears — mild, but pretty much constant, and annoying.

Losing my eyelashes — knew this might happen. I still have several, and they are long, but there are fewer each week, I think.

Losing my eyebrows — this adds to the Humpty Dumpty effect.

FATIGUE — OMG, this has been amazing at times. Last weekend, I pretty much spent 72 hours straight on the couch. Had to miss work on Monday — it was like I was walking through mud. TOTALLY drained and unable to do anything at all really. It’s because of the new meds for the neuropathy and it should even out as my body adjusts to the meds. But, ohmygoodness, it is remarkable, and has kept me from writing anything anywhere.

So, this is a Debbie Downer sort of post, and I apologize. I’m not trying to have everyone feel sorry for me — I’m just venting and I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted here or communicated with several friends. Just wanted you all to know what I’ve been dealing with, and I do apologize for being out of touch lately.

Anyhoo, I’m almost halfway. It will be really nice to ring that bell at the chemo clinic at the end of this. That’s what the women do on their last treatment — they ring the bell at the nurse’s station as they say goodbye. I will take pictures when I get to do that!